Photo: Tokyo Weekender
When it comes to addressing loneliness and isolation in Japan, the country has created many unusual forms of comfort. In a society where people are expected to endure quietly, avoid burdening others emotionally, and continue working despite pressure, isolation often ends up expressed indirectly rather than openly spoken about. Instead of directly talking about emotions, Japan has developed entire industries and social spaces that softly fill emotional gaps without forcing vulnerability. Some are harmless and comforting, others more complicated, but together they reveal a society trying to cope with loneliness in its own way. These social pressures make Japanese people lonely, explaining in part its high suicide rates, and the many ways people escape reality. 1
Photo: Aomori Keizai Shinbun
To start off lightly, you may notice in Japan that there are many cafes revolving around petting animals. Owl cafes, dog cafes, pig cafes. The most common one, however, are cat cafes, and I feel that they differ from the previously mentioned ones. In Japanese folklore and pop culture such as manga, cats are usually represented as mysterious and quiet animals that wander around alone. 2 This seems appealing to many lonely people, as cats do not give the over-attention and fussiness that dogs may reward you with at a dog cafe. Cats come to you and then leave in turns, so it is appealing to people who do not want to communicate vocally or even much physically, but instead want a quiet time where they can self heal.
Photo: Live Japan
Speaking of cafes, perhaps the most famous one is the maid cafe. Young women dressed as maids speak to customers in an intentionally infantilised and overly affectionate style of Japanese, addressing them as if they are their master (goshujinsama). The experience revolves around creating a playful fantasy atmosphere of care and attention. Customers are often encouraged to purchase drinks for the maids alongside their own meals, as well as extras such as polaroid photographs together. To maintain boundaries, many maid cafes strictly prohibit customers from “touching” the maids, including simply placing a hand on their arm. 3 This shows that the maid cafe is positioned as performance and emotional service rather than part of the sexual industry. The maids may decorate omelettes with ketchup hearts or perform small personalised interactions for customers, creating a temporary feeling of warmth and affection. One visit can become expensive due to the meals, drinks and add-ons, but people are paying for the emotional experience just as much as the food itself.
Photo: Correc Holdings
Rent-a-girlfriend and rent-a-boyfriend services are real industries in Japan. 4 Even rent-a-friend services exist. These businesses create carefully controlled fictional relationships that temporarily fill emotional gaps many people feel in their daily lives, especially loneliness, isolation, and lack of companionship. The experiences themselves are often simple: sharing food at cafes, walking through parks, visiting exhibitions together, or simply having someone to talk to for a few hours.
For some customers, renting a girlfriend provides access to forms of emotional comfort and closeness they may struggle to experience naturally in everyday life. Others may use the service as a way to practise communication and social confidence within a low-risk environment. What makes these services particularly interesting is that both sides fully understand the relationship is temporary and artificial from the beginning. However, rather than ruining the experience, this controlled emotional distance is often exactly what makes the interaction feel safe and manageable for many people. 5
Via “The Wonton Don” on YouTube. Fans can pay idols for a handshake.
Worshipping idols is also a form of escaping reality (genjitsutouhi), especially amongst some men in their 30s to late 50s. Japanese idol groups often consist of young women ranging from their late teens to mid 20s in tightly managed pop groups, wearing cute cosplaying outfits as they perform on stage. One thing you may notice about the crowds at these gigs is that they are often filled with older men waving glowing penlights around, many being salarymen still in their suits, appearing to be on their way home from work. For some of these men, following idols may feel like a safe space where they can temporarily drop social expectations and emotionally relax. They know they would never truly get the chance to know these young women, but that distance is part of the appeal. It is fictional, and that fiction creates the fantasy illusion of temporary happiness and escape.
Last year, an idol group consisting of young Japanese women called AiScReam went viral. Their lyrics “Rubi-chan, hai, nani ga suki? Choco-minto yori mo anata!” spread across Japan and overseas, becoming a meme online. 6 To take this group as an example, each member represents a personality archetype commonly seen amongst Japanese girls throughout media such as anime, dating games and idol culture. One member representing the exaggeratedly cute and affectionate burikko type, acting overly sweet and childish in a way designed to appear lovable and dependent (Rubi-chan). Another represents the slightly more mature but still cute type, speaking more calmly and acting in a gentler, caring manner whilst still maintaining an idol-like softness (Ayumi-chan). The third fits the cool and emotionally distant tsundere archetype, speaking in a deeper voice and showing affection more indirectly (Shiki-chan). These exaggerated personalities allow different audience members to attach themselves to whichever character type they personally find comforting or attractive. In this sense, the idol group functions almost like a collection of emotional fantasies, where each member appeals to different emotional preferences amongst male fans.
AiScReam, with fans holding penlights at the bottom. Via oricon on YouTube.
Around the same time, a clip from a Love Live gig went viral. The famous girl band called out for the preschoolers, junior highs, high schoolers and university students to cheer once named, with little engagement each time, until the shakaijin (working adults and unemployed adults) were called out, with the crowd suddenly roaring with cheers. People online found the clip funny, but it also quietly revealed the reality of who these spaces emotionally attract. 9
Moving on, we next have the fuzoku. Fuzoku refers to the sexual industry of Japan, with fuzokuten specifically referring to establishments that offer men female sexual services. 7 You may wonder how this is unique to Japan and relates to loneliness, as prostitution exists worldwide. What I would point to instead is the emotional and social aspect of these fuzokuten. Men can choose the women they would like to visit each time, and aside from sexual services, conversation is also a major part of what is being sold. In this sense, these fuzokuten are not only centred around sexual desire, but also emotional comfort and temporary relief from loneliness or stress. There is also a stereotype in Japan that some wives may turn a blind eye to this behaviour due to the men’s working culture and emotional distance within marriages, rather than directly confronting it.
The most interesting and unique option that some Japanese fuzokuten offer is the hizamakura. This literally translates to “knee pillow”. This service allows men to lay down and rest their heads on the knees of the sex workers, while talking about their worries and problems as the worker strokes their hair and agrees with them. Some places even offer mimikaki, which is ear cleaning. The fact that this exists as a paid option alongside sexual activities shows that people do not only go to these places out of sexual desire, but also to feel listened to, comforted, and emotionally safe for a moment. The customers may range from lonely men without partners, to salarymen who have wives but still do not feel as if they can properly express themselves at home. In searching for an appropriate image to show this, I instead found cushion products that replicate a woman’s thighs as an alternative, which honestly says enough by itself.
In these ways, Japan, being a society that has yet to fully normalise open conversations about loneliness and emotional vulnerability, has come up with its own ways of quietly dealing with isolation within parts of its population. The fact that these services exist at all, especially for overworked salarymen who stay behind after hours and fall asleep on trains on the way home, shows that these struggles are at least recognised on some level. 8 Whether it be pressure from bosses to stay overtime, pressure to maintain appearances, difficulty expressing emotions openly, or simply the exhaustion of modern life, many people search for spaces where they can temporarily escape reality and feel comforted.
What makes many of these services feel distinctly Japanese is not necessarily the loneliness itself, because loneliness exists everywhere, but the indirectness of how it is handled. Rather than openly discussing emotions, people instead seek quiet forms of healing through fictional relationships, temporary companionship, soothing routines, and controlled fantasy. From cat cafes to idol culture to hizamakura services, many of these spaces are less about romance or sex, and more about wanting to feel listened to, accepted, and emotionally safe for a short while.
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1. Japan Times
2. Catster
3. Maid Café Rules (Made-Maid)
5. Joyn Tokyo
7. Sabukaru
8. VICE
9. Instagram
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